September 4th.

dad: Ru home or home later? I don't have ur ma'S iTunes info & wanna rip my cd. If you have time I could use some help. Smiley?

*note: my father does in fact have an iTouch. and is incapable of downloading music, let alone having his own account. So, I made him one. He's a big boy now.

Daddy texts Patsy about heat, and bitches about it

August 28.

Dad: Where y'at? Did I mention its get the fuck out hot in dis desert. Anyway... I hope your enjoying ur summer I ahould [should] be able to makea plan 2 visit pretty soon aftet [after] the first. i have totun in my call day request NLT 9 Sept. After that it will be clear when I or we will be, en famile or edd himself. More later. Wonder why no-ones golfing outside? u no who loves u

Aug 28th

All over but the trip back. Why is there and emoticon on dis fone. Am I sposed to know what (insert little green smiling fucker) means? Just sAying. See u Monday nite I hope. Edd loves u.

dad texts my sister. Aug 23rd

sis:" I just got this from dad: @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@t discuss. Plane leaves in 45 hours. Yipee. Yr pa."
me: "huh?"
sis:" Did you get it?"
me:" I got.....read it, But I'm totally lost."
sis:"The key phrase is "i sit now soaking part I don't discuss." Only dad.
me:" Oh, all I got was the "@" symbol, like 4 lines of it."
sis:"Ohhh so you didn't get the whole thing. OK. Basically he's just saying hi and him texting me that he's soaking his ass is hilarious."
me:" yes, so funny. i'm going to need you to send me the exact text from him."
sis:" Yr ma sez ugots interweb now. Cable guy didn't hook u up. I sit now soaking parts I don't discuss. Plane leaved in 45 hours. Yipee. Year pa"
me:" OH GOD"

Aug 17th part 2:

"Back from charging. Want u to knw we're hosting neighbor cars while they fix driveway. Bev's is a littlr in the concrete but convenient if u wannna turn up de hill on de grass. Otherwise street parking ur best choice. I did not not take de grass since I leave in de dark and have bad eyes. Your. Dad loved jlr.

Aug 17th part 1:

"Hope this is still ur number.On arrival today on(e) of ur tank appliances was screeching. As I can't see I pulled as many cords as needed to make it stop. I don't know if ur fish will live without this machine. U can call and tell me what to do, or wait till u get here. My fone goes off 2 charge. Ur edd"