dad emails.

So I was clearing out my inbox, I uncovered a few gems of emails that dad sent while he was in Rio. Please enjoy in his suffering.

as i have no bag, or phone, and the ñet aint cheap, I´m hoping to have
help on my lost bag claim.   while I may have 60 days to file, having
the right stuff when I file means someone please help me by looking at
the allianz insurance stuff I picked up at AAA when we went.  there is
a site, I´m sure, where the details are found, and even if i had that
site, I cant print this out for carrying it to the airport.   It may
be that your mom put up my stuff and we wont know till she´s back.
edd, getting irked, as expected.

hello....I´mburning money not just for mail and shirts (2 or more per
day) but coffee to run on while i check for jeff and the crew, late
arriving but finally here.  I can go to the banks tomorrow that claim
to `take´ amex travelers checks, but for now, it would be nice to know
somebody is reading these messages....3 in a day with one line reply.
 yes, i dont use capital letters...sorry... does anyone know if my
wife was told i got here alive?  yr ill tempered papa.

i continue to bleed cash, and it´s gonna get worse since the fone i
let my children start up is no good at all.  it says i need a sim1then
a sim 2 and over and over.  I aint mad the fone aint working or jeff
not being here a day late or.....I am all about furious I did this to
myself.  to answer your question.. if you can find the allianz
insurance I know should be there, find the website to file a claim and
print out the stuff i need, then type it in an email.  the luggage is
here and its wet.   lets say i´ll remember this shit after almost
killing jeff is a bad memory.   your seriously devoted old man.

 the juno site fail. i go in one hour to iguaza.  the cost to fly =over 300usd.   guess i´ll stay on job long enough to pay for this shit.  i get back in 2 days and no idea what ill find there a la internet.  miss my fambly a lot.  edd



These are exact emails we received from dad. no adjustments have been made. He spent a small fortune on college for us kids and the man can't even spell correctly. God love him.

Dad comes back from Brazil

Jenni sent me this yesterday as she and mom went to pick up dad from the airport:

"Quote from daddy. 'the next m-fer i run into that doesnt speak English better be a g-d hotel maid in Las Vegas.' i didn't actually type the curse words; but u get the idea."

Clearly, dad is over the whole world-traveler thing and is ready to be home in Vegas.

Then, she sends me this. I never thought I'd see this miracle in all my life.

My parents. Holding hands. Like they love each other. As if they missed each other. Maybe there's hope for them after all...

LV again...

Match 24th.

me: I hope ur having fun in Vegas! love you
dad: No big new here, Stopped to chat at a security Guy on a bike. His ride in the wind is more hazardous than clients. hey says. Gtlot the osu game on as I don't wanna hear the crowd in a sports book. Used o like that. Getting old. Dad loves dreamboat.
me: love you pappa.

April 6th.

me: I hope you're having fun in vegas!!!

April 21st.

dad: This weeking in the LV. ur mas kinwa the hotel. See you when I get back. dad loves dreamboat.

me. Have fun in LV. break a leg. Dreamboat loves daddy.

***You'd think the man should just buy a suite in Vegas or an apartment at least. but no. he likes playing hotel musical chairs.

dad prefers email over phone call

dunno if the all points bulletin is in order yet, but i think you'd like to know your sis is coming to knoxpatch and jc five july for 3 days, leaving afternoon of 8 july. your ma and i are gone for the mudders day holiday so you may be interested in that news too. hope this finds you well. i miss my dreamboat. edd

**this is an exact email i got from our father about 2days ago. no autocorrect was used.

Dad loves Nook...calls ipad a dirty name

Dad got a Nook Tablet for Christmas from yours truly. He loves it so much he bought a series of new blazers in which to put the nook when he travels.

consumer reports rave about nook tablet being the best buy in the under 10" category, while iPad reigns supreme in the full size category. On talking about this with dad (I have an ipad, he has the nook, remember), he very clearly calls the ipad..

... a crotchburner.

That's right, he says that since the new iPad can get up to 114* farenheit any male who is using it to play his high-res games severly decreases his ability to bear children. To quote him exactly via text: "lemme tell you about those dudes having kids... they ain't! too busy burning their junk off."

Good thing I'm a lady, I guess...?

February 18,2012

Feb. 18,2012 is his birthday. So this year I got him this awesome card with a turtle on it telling him to shell-abrate. hahahaha.
and inside I put 2$ and told him to go buy another lucky shirt.

'the story'

He gambles. a lot. not in an addictive way, but in a hobby way. and when he does go, he always wears a new shirt. his trick is this, never wear a shirt that costs more than 3$ or less than 1$. he once wore a .50 cent shirt and lost all of his play money. so he won't do that any more. The man will only play with a certain amount daily, once he wins it back, he leaves it alone and then only plays with the casino money. if he should lose it, he's done.
He goes to places like Rugged Warehouse to the clearance rack (OMG!) and picks out the most hideous shirt as long as it's cheap and takes it with him. He wins big in those. He won enough once to by a car. That shirt is still hanging up. he doesn't want to wear the luck out of that shirt.

He's a funny man. but a great dad. He's always taught us the value of a dollar. He paid for all of us to go to college (of our choice, and out of state) and refused for us to be in debt when we graduated. he wants us to follow our dreams and be happy. he's always saying this is the best time ever to be a woman and go kick ass and don't worry about taking names.

he's our biggest advocate. they don't make men like my father anymore.

january 28.2012

dad: Happy Birthday! As I hadn't heard from my dreamboat I didn't know what you wante. Ur ma has a small token of my everlasting affection to deliver if u can come over. Things about normal in Lv. Cu soon I hope. Edd to bed.

me: I love you! Thank you for the birthday present. I hope ur having fun!

dad: I did ha e a goodstart. Uzing strict losz limtz means I ztill have dough today. Though I'd rather have large dough. Gotta move hotels. Going shopping later. Dad lo es dreamboat.

me:Have fun moving. Dont' forget ur phone or nook. I know how u are. Dreamboat loves pappa!

dad: fer shure


* When dad first added texting to my phone, he made it very clear he wasn't paying for my spelling to become sloppy and I was to use complete sentences. Apparently He can't take his own advice. Gotta love him.