Dad Encourages Patsy's Minor Stalking...

December 12, 2011

Dad: Wild Flag has a segment om cnn today. It is likely to repeat. Thot u should know. Yr pa.

Patsy: Thanks daddy! I'll check it out. Love from hammer.

D: Mary timoni apparently wears the blue polka dots wit pink blouse A Lot. In case u wanna go total stalker. Ur pa.

P: Hahaha I might. Thanks for the heads up. But don't you think the platform clogs that carrie brownstein wore is more my style?

D: I dunno..... scream pony up and see how u feel. Edd

P: I mean... I AM a racehorse....

D: U have a vivid imagination. U working? If so, go back to work. I'll see u soon. Lotsa yeah.

P: Yeah I'm workin. R u? If so go back to work. See you soon, papi. Hammer loves EDD.

**

Dad and I saw Wild Flag in Chicago this summer and we both fell in love with the love-child that came from the reunion of Carrie Brownstein and Mary Timony. We talk about it a lot whenever we see it in the local rags.

November 8th &9th

dad:" Las vegas is cold. I'll be inside for.medical mtg mostly. Did u ge the nooz what's her name is coming for Christmas? Dad loves you."
me:" yest. I'm excited! are you excited?"
dad:" Well.. yea, matter of face its remarkable when anyone who is well acquainted with yourz truly is able to stand me for mre than a few minute. Let's home for the best. Odb"

***if you don't know Odb means old dirty bastard. my dad's kinda cool.***

OCT 30th.

dad: " Yo. dreamboat. I'm back tomorrow. I leave 8 days later. I wonder if you can visit next weekend. Of course Andrew is welcome too. It is not important. just miss u. love Edd."

so. my dad went out of town. what? totes didn't know. It's like he likes the airport or something.

Dad flies home from NJ, drives to BR...jetsetting bastard.

Dad went to Baton Rouge to watch the LSU/Florida game...without his daughter who actually went to LSU (color me bitter). This is what I get today:

"Ur tiger looks uncomfortably warm. My nachos didn't have purple. Thot u should know. Your friend seems nice.. edd with earplugs"


Earlier this week, as he was heading home from NJ, I get this:

"Front cabin ridin'. know i ain't lyin, going home like breezy, hope your day is easy. Yo pa."


My dad raps, and he's ballin enough to go to a college football game because he has the free time...jetsetting bastard. And I love him.

September 29th. and October 1st

September 29th
dad:" Leafing tomorrow for nj. My wawa awaitz. The hunt for cheap parking paid off. But will gene Simmons marry. Holla if you're able. Dad loves a dream boat."

October 1st
dad: "No wawa in sight. The weather just turned awful. I'll beback Monday. Hope to see you soon. Love from the edd."


**So. dad went to NJ. no forwarding phone# to the hotel. That's ok. The life insurance policy is paid off before he leaves. Gotta love a man who wants to go to WaWa. **

September 4th.

dad: Ru home or home later? I don't have ur ma'S iTunes info & wanna rip my cd. If you have time I could use some help. Smiley?

*note: my father does in fact have an iTouch. and is incapable of downloading music, let alone having his own account. So, I made him one. He's a big boy now.

Daddy texts Patsy about heat, and bitches about it

August 28.

Dad: Where y'at? Did I mention its get the fuck out hot in dis desert. Anyway... I hope your enjoying ur summer I ahould [should] be able to makea plan 2 visit pretty soon aftet [after] the first. i have totun in my call day request NLT 9 Sept. After that it will be clear when I or we will be, en famile or edd himself. More later. Wonder why no-ones golfing outside? u no who loves u

Aug 28th

All over but the trip back. Why is there and emoticon on dis fone. Am I sposed to know what (insert little green smiling fucker) means? Just sAying. See u Monday nite I hope. Edd loves u.

dad texts my sister. Aug 23rd

sis:" I just got this from dad: @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@t discuss. Plane leaves in 45 hours. Yipee. Yr pa."
me: "huh?"
sis:" Did you get it?"
me:" I got.....read it, But I'm totally lost."
sis:"The key phrase is "i sit now soaking part I don't discuss." Only dad.
me:" Oh, all I got was the "@" symbol, like 4 lines of it."
sis:"Ohhh so you didn't get the whole thing. OK. Basically he's just saying hi and him texting me that he's soaking his ass is hilarious."
me:" yes, so funny. i'm going to need you to send me the exact text from him."
sis:" Yr ma sez ugots interweb now. Cable guy didn't hook u up. I sit now soaking parts I don't discuss. Plane leaved in 45 hours. Yipee. Year pa"
me:" OH GOD"

Aug 17th part 2:

"Back from charging. Want u to knw we're hosting neighbor cars while they fix driveway. Bev's is a littlr in the concrete but convenient if u wannna turn up de hill on de grass. Otherwise street parking ur best choice. I did not not take de grass since I leave in de dark and have bad eyes. Your. Dad loved jlr.

Aug 17th part 1:

"Hope this is still ur number.On arrival today on(e) of ur tank appliances was screeching. As I can't see I pulled as many cords as needed to make it stop. I don't know if ur fish will live without this machine. U can call and tell me what to do, or wait till u get here. My fone goes off 2 charge. Ur edd"